Ashley Christ, Superstar

I feel like I should start this post with a disclaimer. To anyone who may be easily offended by speculative musings on Jesus and/or religious topics, this is probably the time for you to stop reading this post. I'm not here to push opinions or berate the opinions of others, but I understand that these can be touchy subjects, and I don't want to frustrate anyone. You have been warned. Continue reading at your own risk.

Well, now that that's out of the way, I'll get right down to it. For any readers who don't know me in real life or haven't heard, I have just recently been cast as an Apostle in Andrew Lloyd Webber's "Jesus Christ Superstar" at a local community theatre. At this point in my life, I would not consider myself a religious person by any means, but I can certainly appreciate art with religious implications. My favorite piece of art with religious implications is, without a doubt, "Jesus Christ Superstar," so imagine my happiness when I got cast in a production.

In honor of this exciting event, I've been obsessing over my "JCS" DVDs and soundtrack recordings, which has got me thinking about a lot of things related to the story of Jesus and its impact on our culture. Amidst all of this thinking, a question arose in my mind a couple of days ago: Will the second coming of Christ know he is the second coming of Christ?

I don't necessarily believe that a second coming is even remotely possible or plausible, but I know that there are millions of people who do. So for the purposes of this post, let's just say that the return of Christ is imminent. How will this child know what he is? Will he just divinely know? Will this child have a direct line of communication with God? Will there be human guardians assigned to take care of the child and fill him in on his situation? Will it be kind of like "The Omen," where the Antichrist child gets a special nanny and a pet hellhound to protect him and make sure nothing interferes with his destiny? Or like "Rosemary's Baby," with a whole community chipping in to make sure the child reaches his full potential? Does the second coming of Christ get the same treatment as the spawn of Satan?

Pondering these questions has spawned a whole new series of additional questions. Will the child come about the same way that the first coming of Jesus allegedly did? Will there be immaculate conception involved? Will the child's parents be in the know? Will there be anything special about the sonograms? Does the kid's name have to be Jesus? Could it be something else, like Ozzy or Lyle? Ozzy Christ has kind of a fun ring to it. Will the child even be male? Ashley Christ. Hmmm. Will it even be human? What will its nationality be? Is a Chinese Christ out of the question? What if the child is born with a crack addiction? Is the second coming of Jesus Christ immune to birth defects? What if it dies before it's born? What if it already has, and millions of people are just waiting around for something that isn't going to happen anymore?

Anyway, these are just a few of the many wild and maddening thoughts that keep me up at night. I hope you haven't been scarred too seriously during your descent into this strange, overactive place known as my mind. Have a pleasant day!