"By Grabthar's Hammer!"

When asked, "If you could have any super power imaginable, what would it be?" I usually have trouble settling on just one that would satisfy me. I'm still not totally sure I would be able to pick one, but a particular ability has started to sound pretty nice to me. A lot of little things have been bothering me these past few weeks, and I've been thinking a lot about what would have made these things less bothersome. I eventually reached the conclusion that follows this paragraph.

Wouldn't it be awesome to be able to use your mind to make other people stop doing irritating things? I think it would. Now I'm not sure if this is because I just watched "Carrie" the other day for the first time or if something else planted this thought. I'm not saying I necessarily want to be able to blow people up or burn down a gym full of high schoolers. I would want to be able to stop people from being jerks in the first place, before their actions drive me over the edge and we do actually end up with a textbook case of crispy gym on our hands. Think less "Carrie," more "Matilda." I just think this ability would be all sorts of handy.

Take, for instance, the girl sitting next to me at the play I went to see a couple of weeks back. The play is three acts, and I understand that three acts can start to feel a bit long for some audience members, but not so long that theatre etiquette no longer applies to us. About 3 minutes into Act Three, this girl whips out her cellular device and starts texting. Not just texting, but constantly checking her phone in anticipation of replies. This is very distracting. Not only does the phone glow bright blue in the dark theater, but its buttons also create quite a ruckus. This is not a musical. There is no score to drown out the noise. Is it really so hard to stay off of your phone for half an hour? The rest of us are managing somehow. Bottom line: this is making me grumpy. Do I want to make her head explode? No. Well... maybe a little. But wouldn't it be nice to just mind-control her into putting her distraction away? That way, no nasty looks or words need to be exchanged, the wrong is righted, and I won't have to dwell on it for weeks and then blog about it.

This is just one measly personal example. This power could also be used to (at least temporarily) stop litterbugs, bullies, thieves, mean teachers, mischievous students, cruel parents, people who insist on smoking in your immediate vicinity, rude fast food employees and various other bringers of negativity. I'm not saying I want absolute, constant, life-shattering mind control powers, just the power to change tiny decisions of those around me. Like a Jedi mind trick, I suppose. Like silent, instantaneous hypnosis.

Anyway, as far as super powers go, I feel like this one would have the most practical use and possibly one of the most positive effects on my surroundings. I truly believe the world would be a slightly better place if I possessed this ability. That would just be too awesome.

Also, invisibility.